on break-offs

It's the end of an era. Or more accurately, a micro-moment of an era.

In our effort to convince ourselves that we had enough in common, we realized that we actually had almost nothing. In fact, we lacked commonality in political beliefs, race, childhood experience, movies, books, hobbies, food, travel experiences... the list was almost infinite. Every sentence that began with "Have you seen/heard of/been to..." had the inevitable reply of "I have no idea what you're talking about." It became a running joke.

As a friend so aptly put it: "How on earth have you guys been together for so long?"

As I piece together my thoughts, I realize it isn't necessarily about "having shared experiences" because unless you meet someone who has an identical life experience to yourself - and let's face it, this is verging into sibling territory - this ain't happening.

Instead, it is about how you evaluate experiences - both individual and shared, more commonly known as the "wavelength" factor. Not having to explain yourself. Being able to understand where the other person is coming from. Getting someone, even if they don't quite get themselves.

I feel this most when I reunite with someone who I'm close with. The feeling of being "known" by someone is quite possibly the most delightful aura to rest in. My jokes are always funny, and my references are always understood. It is easy to feel happy.

It wasn't something that I necessarily valued in a relationship, but possibly because I took it for granted when it was there. Or when it wasn't, I thought that it was only something that developed over time. But I'm starting to think that maybe I was wrong. That really, this "being on the same wavelength" is the foundation, and something that must be treasured and valued. It was something that we didn't have.

It ended carefully, even caring-ly...if that's a word. We told each other that if either of us needed anything, like assistance with a flat tire, we should call each other. He paid for dinner; I jump-roped in his living room. He made me coffee and a sandwich; I snarkily read aloud Men's Health advice columns. He walked me to my car and offered to set me up with his best friend; I told him if any of his future girlfriends needed a reference, they could give me a call.

Together, we laughed about our incompatibility. It was the best break-off ever.