on hospitals

On the day after Christmas, we carefully refolded our Christmas wrapping paper, made slice-and-bake chocolate chip cookies, and took my mom to the hospital after eleven days of staunch avoidance of the doctor's office. Turns out, she had pneumonia in her left lung, and had to be pumped with potassium chloride, antibiotics and all sorts of other brackish liquids that can only be found in hanging IV bags in a dimly lit corner hospital room (not to be confused with the delights of a corner office). Thus, I've spent the last few (and presumably the next few) days learning the ins and outs of the Methodist Hospital, fourth floor, across the hall and second room on the left.

A hospital is a funny place, but not in the way of Scrubs or Grey's Anatomy, (as most medical students and residents will tell you with gritted teeth and rolled eyes). Yes, I admit, I did giggle and whisper "I'll bet people are making out in there" to my brother when we passed the supply closet (and was mildly disappointed when the sexual tension between the nurses and doctors didn't quite make the cut), but this is besides the point. What I really find strange about hospitals is how seriously people take being serious - can you really keep a straight face when the words "Discharge: Specify" are pasted on the outside of the bathroom door? Or when no one knows how to turn off the wailing "Bed Alarm" that warns of an escapee patient?

Other funnies:

1. COW - We had to ask 10 hospital staff members before we found someone who knew what this acronym, pasted on every computer monitor in the building, meant. Ah, yes. Computer on Wheels.

2. MethGuest - The name of the Methodist wireless network. I propose a change - how about "MethUser"?

3. DVD Remote - a rare commodity that is distributed at a floor wide level; Requires a surrender of your first born child if lost

4. Nourishment - the team that delivers largely inedible hospital food to your room. Often disguised as room service.

5. Hat - an inverted cup placed in the toilet bowl used to collect & measure urine. Prevents others from using the toilet effectively.

In other news (still 'on hospitals'), my mom is doing better and I am recovering from a reality check and a re-evaluation of the things that I take for granted. Just in time for the New Year.